Good joke - and again, you claimed to be a programmer: In that case i suggest
nano /usr/bin/xdg-open
Have fun reading and understanding. And btw - the very most environments try xdg-open as latest, in case of LXDE i guess that gio open is used first.
Edit: If i remember xdg-open right, there should be the open procedure with a fallback to open-generic what in case use pcmanfm as last resort.